collecting small

today I've been noticing how I collect small...small people are my favorite but small ideas, small bites of food and small projects are all good too. small plants, particularly jade plants, succulent and green turn me happy and inspired. why small, i wonder.

look at that collection of tools, spades mostly, on that green wall. how does something so simple bring me such peace and to a place of wish? what a wall of big impression. i bet they belong to a small, wise tiller of the earth. and just look at what those tools can do, small job by small job.

small walks and small naps, small pillows, little notes here and there. nothing small about small. small hands, my sister's in particular enlighten me. her hands amaze me; she's tall and striking while her hands are tender and maternal. they have soothed some of my big tears.

i also collect impressions.....i look at people and wonder what it's like to be who they are. do you do that? i get an impression of someone fast and then most often continue on. but sometimes a light goes on. sometimes a fancy is struck. the chance in a glance, to find myself studying a gesture or a manner. my attraction gene flares. i see someone and find myself glued through the air. i begin staring, steady to the impressions magically noted in me.

recently at my favorite store in asheville, greenlife, i saw a woman uniquely dressed. she was ordinary looking but her style evoked sophistication and style coupled with low country and harmony. she wore brown ankle length twill jeans, pockets at her hips, a white blouse of some former decade, a low slung leather pouch strapped across her back, and a man's vest of small argyle. the sandals she wore on this blustery day made me think she was visiting from greece as her deep tan felt hot as she crossed my path. she was magnetic without flirtation or want of attention, at least as far as I could tell. I suppose we all want attention, but her presence caught mine and i wondered, who is she and how did she become this woman she presents to us?

her hair, blond, had three layers, and she wore no make up. she was pretty, a rouge to her tanned cheeks. dimples featured in her smile. her companion was a man of another race than hers. she was about 5'10'' but her presence was smaller than that. and lasting.

my other collections include:::meals and combinations of flavors:::reasons to be melancholy:::philosophical questions:::books:::fears:::hanging strands:::poems:::mistakes:::risks:::new combinations of pictures, sounds, and feelings with different results!

looking at the gardens around my neighborhood one can see that small is good. in a small space, my neighbors seem to be able to continue to grow. we don't need big if we don't have big. we need what we have. thanks be to small.

ps:
i admit too that i like big:::dogs, beds, pools, spaces and slices of doberge cake.

my daily people requirement

i changed parts of my life about two weeks ago. i left a job to create my own. that changes other parts of my life.

here are some reflections so far:

there's no getting away from yourself.
things that don't work at a job, don't work at any job.
bad bosses exist ... i don't want to be one of them.
finding your threshold is important.
honesty ... you know what they say in the policy book.
money helps everything.
risk is a must.
love what you do. not always but 75% of the time.
take a break when you need to.
smile while you are working....it helps. try it.
be visible even if you work in a cubicle.
stay until you are finished.
priorities become clear with every decision you make.
call a friend when you feel lost or stuck. hearing her, listening to him helps you unglue yourself.

liberating yourself from something that doesn't work is strict business. it's not for the tepid or faint hearted. there's no fooling around in the pursuit of making connections with yourself or a greater audience. you're the one. and in my case, i'm the one.

being at focus on my cards and my teaching/tutoring endeavors is showing me just who i am. ....both nobody in particular, one of everyone of us, and somebody to listen to, somebody people love and admire, one of the extraordinary. the universe birthed me with a compass; it's just like your compass only yours points directions given to you, to follow, get lost in, fall into, move toward and away from yourself and your 'purpose'. we must listen, look, feel our ways.

scout sometimes is my scout. he's somewhere i'm not waiting for me, or bringing me somewhere i need to go. the other night, on our last walk of the day, he refused to continue at the end of the first block. i pulled his leash, hard, he needed to walk i thought, pulling his neck this way and that. "come on bird" i mustered and plead, "let's go!" he remained sitting, the collar almost pulled over his head from my militant tug. But he wouldn't go south down hudson street, he wouldn't move north up pennsylvania, nor would he continue down state street, west. instead he pulled me eastward and home.

and in that purpose, bringing me home, at that very moment, i was there to be there for a deepening and a reality check with myself and another. how did scout know? did he? i need a story and my story is:::he knew! '-) so i giggled and giggle now as i find the absurdity in that possibility, but why not?

i wonder does the number of people in your life, to whatever degree, in whatever way, correlate with anything? i think that number does correlate to something BIG, but what? i notice that i'm in touch with more business contacts than i had a week ago. i have more possibility with new people in my life than a week ago. i have more people touching my life than a week ago and i'm touching more lives than ever! of course. and it took me going out on my own, heralding myself, making a wave, causing my own stir.

it seems to me now that i am working for myself and for my customers that by doing this move toward empowering myself i have a greater responsibility to empower the people around me.

have a happy thanksgiving. ...don't eat too much.....just enough....love, from the garden.

unite in the sky

i love how life works because i don't know for sure. do the birds know? might the trees? i think so.

at least the birds and the trees seem just fine with the mystery. they aren't wondering or worrying or waiting for the other foot to fall as we so often are. they already live the natural life.
this morning i took a long walk with scout at my side, in front me, and sometimes behind me, me having to pull him away from yet another snack of who knows what! the sun was out at 8. bright. shining. warming, on this brisk morning with frequent breeze and wisp of wind.
i'm happy again. don't have any particular reason. just am. just being. just walking with scout.
looking up, admiring and shining back at the sun, i thought of michael kenna & his admiration, praise and thanksgiving for trees. particular ones in japan. particular ones he returns to, has returned to over many years, it seems he has created a friendship with certain trees on the furthest north japanese island of hokkaido.
he has befriended trees; he closes in on them and opens to them getting to know them with each visit he makes to see them, to photograph them, to be there with them. for he must travel to them since they stay in one place for a lifetime (imagine.).
are they dependent on each other, i wonder---michael kenna and the tree? does kenna expand in its presence? do they await his return? is there expectation of return when they leave each other?
at times in my life i've adopted a tree or two as my favorites. i think of it, see them in my mind's eye, a certain circle of trees welcoming visitors to my house in pass christian. the ones i loved when i lived on maplewood road here in asheville. others from the past, distantly....oaks and magnolias come to mind. they stand tall. they are rooted. they are brave. and are they seeingly more of the present moment than me....being so tall and standing above me with a view i cannot know unless i climb above the earth.
it's about an hour walk scout and i take about two times a week, we circle and loop through other neighborhoods than our own. i noticed bare tree limbs today, with sky showing through. crackly, breaking, mangled looking limbs holding on to their main source, the trunk being so powerful, spinal and erect. and the sun and shine and blue and white and sky's air shows through the brittle, baring limbs high, higher and not so high. anywhere there isn't limb on the tree, there is sky. the sky unites the limbs, and keeps them apart in space.
what does michael kenna know of trees that i do not? what does he know of life that i will learn? what do we both sense and trust forever?
bark is brittle in small parts but put together tightly and trunks hold tight to the earth. holding to the earth by root tiny, deeply ground tendrils, growing for years more than many of us here. how's that for being here now?
i love the way that life works, the small ways we connect with each other and the trees and the birds. the sky unites us, the air does, too. photographs remind us and voice shares with us. we do our best every day. and here we are. wherever we are. we are here.
it's the weekend before a big one coming. enjoy your feasts, families, and findings.